For all the dog lovers among us
#7
  Re: (...)
DOG RULES

NEWSPAPERS:
If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.

VISITORS:
Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

BARKING:
Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark--- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark ...

LICKING:
Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

HOLES:
Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

DOORS:
The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.

THE ART OF SNIFFING:
Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.

DINING ETIQUETTE:
Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.

HOUSEBREAKING:
Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

GOING FOR WALKS:
Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your human, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

COUCHES:
It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.

PLAYING:
If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.

CHASING CATS:
When chasing cats, make sure you never --- quite --- catch them. It spoils all the fun.

CHEWING:
Make a contribution to the fashion industry. ...Eat a shoe
If blueberry muffins have blueberries in them, what do vegan muffins have?
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#8
  Re: For all the dog lovers among us by labradors (DOG RULES[br][br]NEW...)
Spew!!!!! Being serious dog owned people we loved it.
You only live once . . . but if you do it right once should be enough!
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#9
  Re: Re: For all the dog lovers among us by Harborwitch (Spew!!!!! Being ser...)
One of our woofs died very recently, so only big dog Africa is left, and he is so old, 15 years. Little dog Daisy is only 4 tho, How I identify with The Rules.
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#10
  Re: Re: For all the dog lovers among us by Harborwitch (Spew!!!!! Being ser...)
When we were living in Panama City, RP, our Siberian Husky started barking in the middle of the night. (They're mute as a breed) I figured something was amiss. As I walked into the hall I saw the dog had pooped - this was very strange, since she really only ever pooped next to the door, and being mute, she had no way to communicate to me her need to go out. As I walked into the kids bathroom to clean up the mess I saw this huge (I mean really, really big) crab - claws clacking at anything that came near. Literally, it scared the poop out of the dog.

We lived in a three-story townhouse on the ocean and daily swept little hermit crabs off the terrace. I have no clue how this huge thing managed to scale three stories to the bedroom level and end up in the bathroom. I carefully shut the door, cleaned up the mess from my bathroom, put on my shoes and sat in the middle of the king-sized bed until morning. The year was 1982 and my husband was in Japan, and this was way before cell phones.

When I awoke my 5 and 6 year old kids I gave them their shoes and told them to put their shoes on before their feet hit the floor because there was an enormous crab in the bathroom. My normally groggy children bolted upright, put on their shoes and ran to the bathroom only to announce that there was no crab in sight! As large as it was, it was thin, and managed to squeeze itself under the door and was hiding in the corner. There had been thick carpet installed at one time which was ripped up, but there was at least two inches of clearance between the door and the floor.

The chase was on! We would chase the thing from under one door to the next. We finally captured it in a dustpan and when I told my son to throw it over the balcony, he chose the street balcony instead of the ocean balcony. When it landed on the street, its claws fell off. My six-year-old daughter asked me what I was going to do, and when I said, "nothing" she threw a fit. "You taught me to have respect for every living thing, and you can't leave him defenseless in the street!" So, I put him in a coffee can and sent him to school for the science teacher, who put him in an aquarium, whereupon he died a few hours later.
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#11
  Re: Re: For all the dog lovers among us by lxxf (When we were living ...)
Oh dear, what a tale.
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#12
  Re: Re: For all the dog lovers among us by vannin (Oh dear, what a tale...)
Dale, I'm so sorry! Asia adopted me while I was there and she was such a darling. Almost every morning, though she had been told to go outside, she was waiting patiently outside my door when I got up.
Don't wait too long to tell someone you love them.

Billy
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