Hair Removal
  Re: (...)
Hair Removal....ladies read on (No this wasn't me but related to every single step) Haha

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

Read on.........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had a thought..."Maybe I should pull the waxing kit
out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips
together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically
inclined enough to figure this out.

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. No more "cold wax!" I
lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight & pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! It works!

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini
line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the
glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???


I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together,is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt
cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.

"So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......
  Re: Hair Removal by DFen911 (Hair Removal....ladi...)

Too familiar, there really is a reason they give you a (TINY) bottle of Azulene oil!

Thanks for the giggle

  Re: Hair Removal by DFen911 (Hair Removal....ladi...)
ROTFLMAO WTRDMF (with tears running down my face) Truly hysterical!! Thank you for a really good laugh!
You only live once . . . but if you do it right once should be enough!
  Re: Hair Removal by DFen911 (Hair Removal....ladi...)
Waaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahah! I really enjoyed that description, or I should say THOSE descriptions I have some experience with the Epilady. I was laughing at a friend as she screeched and hollered, so she swung around and stuck that thing to my hairy butt! I did some screeching and hollering myself

Maybe you should try the hot wax next time and let a pro do it for you...I'm sure hubby would help
Don't wait too long to tell someone you love them.

  Re: Re: Hair Removal by bjcotton (Waaaaaaaaaahahahahah...)
Denise, we are watching PBR [professional bull riding] and when they announced the name of one of the bulls I burst out laughing...his name was "Ho-Ha."
Don't wait too long to tell someone you love them.

  Re: Hair Removal by DFen911 (Hair Removal....ladi...)
Oh Denise, I was laughing so hard! I'm sorry you had to go through this, though. I've never used anything more complicated than Nair and, at this point in my life, I don't even wear a bathing suit any more so I have no need to go through this. Not that I ever would, after reading your description...

Good luck with the hair coloring. Remember-- lots of old towels!!!

my cooking adventures
  Re: Re: Hair Removal by foodfiend (Oh Denise, I was lau...)
Ohhh, my God....what is done in the name of beauty!
Retired and having fun writing cookbooks, tasting wine and sharing recipes with all my friends.
  Re: Re: Hair Removal by cjs (Ohhh, my God....what...)
OMG! There are professionals who color hair for a living. Mine serves wine and there's always lots of fun banter in the shop. It's the only way to go! I turned my own hair green once and haven't dared to dabble in hair color at home since.
  Re: Hair Removal by DFen911 (Hair Removal....ladi...)
Hope you gals aren't doing this for us guys. We'll take a hairy gal with a refer full of cold beer any day.

(Fishing has been excellent so far!)
  Re: Re: Hair Removal by Ron (Hope you gals aren't...)

Hope you gals aren't doing this for us guys. We'll take a hairy gal with a refer full of cold beer any day.

(Fishing has been excellent so far!)

I was waiting for you to get off that darn boat and chime in!! (Just kidding, I know you've been waiting all winter)
Happy to hear the fishing is good!


Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)