Re: (...)
I got invited to a superbowl party, in my own house. Seems 2 others think it would be GREAT if I hosted a super bowl party. I don't even like football and neither does Derek. We get some of the best shopping done on that day because stores are empty.

But they want me to clean my house, cook the food "cause you're the one that cooks and all" and they'll bring the wine, and then I get stuck with the clean up. Because the one gal whom I am having issues with doesn't lift a finger when she's at someone else's house. The other will.

How does one phase a person away? I seem to get called up and asked all the time to help her with this or that (including taking down her kitchen cabinets). The only time she calls is when she wants something. I keep trying to be busy with other things but then it's "Well when you're on the way to the store or town drop by" because I have to drive right by her house to get anywhere and she knows it and comments "just leave 15 min earlier". She also seems to have an issue with Derek. She commented to another friend "we should do girls night, but I'm sure Denise won't come. She's so attached to that husband of hers." Um..yeah I am and proud of it. If she invites me anywhere it's always a "girl" think "girl shopping or girl movie night" She's a know it all as well.

I never told her about the Master Gardener program, but darn if she didn't find out and sign up and insist on carpooling.

She introduced me to another gal, whom I really like, but figured she'll be sacrificed in the process of walking away from the other because they've been friends for a couple of years now. The worst part is, she used to work for my Dad on the Sheriff's dept. He and my mom just loved her. So that adds more stress to it.

Sorry I just need to rant as I set here getting ready to head to class.
  Re: Rant by DFen911 (I got invited to a s...)
Denise, just remember - anyone that insensitive does not deserve tact to get her out of your life. That's for darn sure.
Retired and having fun writing cookbooks, tasting wine and sharing recipes with all my friends.
  Re: Rant by DFen911 (I got invited to a s...)
Oh, Denise, you really get my sympathy on this one. Been there, done that. It's because we are wired to be nice people, so saying NO makes us squirm. It took me years, but I finally learned how.

You could try telling her that entertaining is exhausting (since she obviously doesn't know that) and that you will let her know when you are up for it again. There is nothing wrong with saying that you don't watch football. Those same people wouldn't hesitate to tell you that they don't watch some other sport. Good luck!

"Drink your tea slowly and reverently..."
  Re: Re: Rant by Mare749 (Oh, Denise, you real...)
OK, sure it would be "great" if you hosted the party and did all the work. However, it doesn't have to happen because they say so. Especially since one doesn't seem to like Derek.

As Maryann said, you're just not up to it right now.
  Re: Rant by DFen911 (I got invited to a s...)
I would be "going out of town for the weekend. We've been planning this trip for a while to check out the repairs to the truck". Or "I'm so sorry but Derek and I have a 'date day' planned since neither one of us really enjoys football. If you need some recipes or ideas for food I'd be happy to give you a couple of links. Derek is making all the plans so I will be surprised so I have no idea where we're going or what we're doing, but it's always so much fun with him!"

You only live once . . . but if you do it right once should be enough!
  Re: Re: Rant by Harborwitch (I would be "going ou...)
Hi Denise, my mom used to say that it was better to get red once than pink a thousand times (sorry it suffered in the translation). I've always followed that rule and have not regretted it.

I did assertiveness groups way back when. The first rule is no one can take advantage of you unless you let them. So even though you are a nice person, and hate hurting anyone feelings, just call her back and tell her you are sorry but you are not planning to be at home that day. You don't have to explain further, but if you want, you can add that you and Derek don't care for football, and have a tradition of shopping that day. BTW my girlfriend and I used to go to SF every year for shopping on Superbowl weekend, I loved it. Remember real friends would never try to create a wedge between you and your husband (or anyone else for that matter).

Do the same the next time she requests anything including the carpool. Yes, she might be upset but hold firm. She might surprise you and stop being a pain. But even if she does not, you will be much happier in the long run. As for the other friend, reach out to her for an activity you'd like, and if she is taking the other gal's side you'll know. Be honest and tell her you are sorry to lose her friendship and let it go.

I know how hard it is, but after the initial guilt, the relief is enormous. Hope this helps some.
  Re: Re: Rant by Cubangirl (Hi Denise, my mom us...)
Poor Denise! What a pain! I like Sharon's second excuse....honest and straightforward.
Keep your mind wide open.
  Re: Rant by DFen911 (I got invited to a s...)
I think you need to be really honest. I don't like football, and I don't want to have a party. I would not fabricate any excuses, as they could come back to bite you. People like this need to be set straight from the get go. I have expended too much time and energy, because he is a chef and I love cooking,and folks seem to think it all comes at no expense. I don't owe anything to these folks, and neither do you. If I sound a bit harsh, yes, been there done it. But, on a positive note, I hope you two have a great weekend.
Practice safe lunch. Use a condiment.
  Re: Rant by DFen911 (I got invited to a s...)

You've gotten all great advice from everyone on this board. She is bullying you and you can say "NO, we have other plans Sunday.". That's it.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka.
  Re: Rant by DFen911 (I got invited to a s...)
Send her an email, " Why, because my parents liked you did I have to adopt you?" Have a good life and leave me and my wonderful husband out of it. My relationship with you will only get worse so let's not prolong the suffering. Goodbye.
"He who sups with the devil should have a. long spoon".

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