This came in my email today. Thought it was cute.
> HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In
> fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
>
> 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So
> drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
> eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's
> Christmas!
>
> 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on.
> Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
>
> 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?
> It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
>
> 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
> Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
>
> 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
> nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
> carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
>
> 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size
> of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
> attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
>
> 8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples
> and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
>
> 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all
> cost. I mean, have some standards.
>
> 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been
> paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to
> live by:
>
> "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
> preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally
> worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO what a ride!"
>
> Have a great holiday season!
>
> HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In
> fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
>
> 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So
> drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
> eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's
> Christmas!
>
> 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on.
> Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
>
> 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?
> It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
>
> 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
> Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
>
> 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
> nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
> carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
>
> 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size
> of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
> attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
>
> 8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples
> and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
>
> 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all
> cost. I mean, have some standards.
>
> 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been
> paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to
> live by:
>
> "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
> preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally
> worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO what a ride!"
>
> Have a great holiday season!
>
Maryann
"Drink your tea slowly and reverently..."
"Drink your tea slowly and reverently..."